The Bad Death Smell

In my old apartment building, like Luka, I lived on the second floor, and every so often the hallway would fill with an unfortunate smell that can only be described as the bad death smell. It wasn’t the smell of garbage, or even the distinct smell of fish that wafted through our neighborhood off the river the other day. It was the smell of something very, very dead coming from underneath the stairs. And frankly, it seemed like it had to be something bigger and deader than a single, trapped rat. A family of possums, possibly, would be the smallest thing that I could imagine would produce such a smell. My downstairs neighbors in that building had had a terrible rat situation at one point, so dead rats wouldn’t have been unthinkable except it would have had to be an army of rats, a nation of dead rat peoples, such was the smell that would have made crime scene investigators apply for a desk job.

I moved. Again, I live on the second floor. And again, the smell of death. Up until now, after two and a half years, the hall has never smelled of anything worse than a hundred years of must, and me, I kind of like that smell. I find a musty smell comforting. But this is not that. What this is is something dead under the stairs. Our landlord thought that it might have something to do with some dead leaves he neglected to remove from the studio below us. I say whatever this is is deader than dead leaves, that dead leaves do not smell like dead people. He removed the leaves, but the smell remained.

I stuck up a Stick-up in the hall, hoping only that it would suffice to get me in and out of the hall without having to hold my breath, but it did pretty much what I knew it would do, which was to add, and perhaps enhance the death smell with artificial – well, I don’t know what the scent is it’s so artificial. Blue. It’s blue-scented. So now we have a heavily blue-scented bad death smell in our hall.

Are you following me, bad death smell? Have I done something to you? Yes, there was that unfortunate incident with the possum up on Western that time, but that was an accident, and he may have been suicidal anyway. Bad death smell, I’m ready for you to pass into the next world, to go up into our attic and haunt us silently and fragrance-free like a good ghosty.

I Pluv You, Too

Yesterday night.
Me: Oh, god, remember I told you about the weird dream about the tiny subway tunnel?
Ben: Uh huh.
Me: And I was all dressed up trying to go to the clubs.
Ben: The pluvs? What’s that?
Me: Clubs!
Me and Ben: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Pluvs.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
HAHA.
Later: G’night honey. I pluv you.
Ben: I pluv you too.

Cheese

Yesterday morning.
Ben: We need sliced cheese.
Me: Cheese cheese cheese. Always cheese. Put it on the list.
Ben: Yea, cheese! Cheese is the foundation of... everything!

I’m Sorry, That Guy is What?

Ok so back to the department of weird censorship on the WB (see post on Swimfan: Weeyotch), was flipping channels the other night, landed on Grosse Point Blank, watched a few minutes of a scene between Joan and John Cusack and Joan is describing some bad guys and John says, “I know that guy – he’s an (insert bad overdub) aerosol.”

Huh. Someone at the WB, I now think, is just trying to see what kind of silliness he can get away with. Unless calling someone an aerosol became harsh words while I wasn’t looking.

The Internet Gods Are Against Me Today But At Least They're Being Sort of Literary About It

Poking around the internet this morning, as I am wont, I got two strangely poetic but upsetting messages for two different sites:

Message one:

Firefox has detected that the server is redirecting the request for this address in a way that will never complete.

And the more punitive and curt message two:

Bad Request

Haiku For What ABC’s “Lost” Could Have Been

A desert island
is interesting enough.
Why all the weirdness?

Recasting

Okay, so I’ve been watching Studio 60, the new Aaron Sorkin West-Wing-But-At-Fake-SNL show, and it’s good, even though I have to admit I thought I’d be a little less confused than I was by West Wing since it’s TV and not international politics but I was wrong about that but nevermind. Anyway. My only issue with this show is a small matter of casting, or possibly even a casting description that should be reworded. Here’s the thing. I like Amanda Peet. I like her a lot. I have liked her in everything I’ve ever seen her in. But every time I watch this show, I think, either she’s just not right for this part or the part isn’t right for her – for one thing she just doesn’t play old enough to be a big network head. Amanda Peet ten years from now would probably be perfect. Yes, she’s supposed to be someone everyone wants to sleep with, and I can see where a lot of people would want to sleep with her, she’s quite gorgeous, but every week I start recasting the role in my head – who’s about ten years older, super sexy and strong, believable in that part. And I toss names around in my head and this week I figured it out. Sela Ward. So get on it people! Wouldn’t you so much rather see Matthew Perry and Bradley Whitford all drooly over Sela than Amanda? M.P. by the way, is doing well to make us forget Chandler here, I think he’s really great. Sarah Paulson totally won me over this week too, with her DEAD ON impression of Holly Hunter in Broadcast News.

Points to anyone who can name the short lived WB series featuring Paulson, Amanda Peet, the slacker brother-in-law from Weeds and Joy from My Name is Earl.

Shorts: I’ve Been Selected!!!

Friends, I recently received some very exciting news. Two of my stories from GLORY have been chosen to be part of NPR’s Selected Shorts program. For anyone unfamiliar with the show, actors read stories at the Symphony Space Theater in my old hood in New York, and the show is later broadcast nationally. Naturally, I could not be more thrilled. Better still, I will get to be part of this esteemed program not once but twice, as Selected Shorts is going on the road, which means that folks in both New York and Chicago can come! Details on NY later, but tickets are available for the Chicago show, at Steppenwolf on October 16. Click on the link for more info. Hope to see you there!
Stay sweet!